We have recently acquired old leaked footage from 2018 in the White House. We have acquired photo and video evidence of an orange Donald Trump, and even better, him saying that he is descended from a Cheeto. Trump has always had orange looking skin, but never had that orange skin and his skin never looked like a Cheeto. From research we found that Donald Trump is wearing a mask and the reason he still looks orange is because the orange is so bright that no mask can block the bright colour of his real skin. There was a recent scientific report in may of 2022 that hypothesized and proved that Trump was a Cheeto, but no one believed that, until now.
Earlier today, an elderly man named Nicholas Park in Ohio was on the toilet. Everything was going fine until he mistook toilet paper for his iPhone 14 pro max. This was very concerning, and he did not realize this until he was halfway finished wiping his bottom. Out of shock, the man dropped his phone in the toilet, and then screamed for his children - but he remembered that he left them at a park several years earlier. Mr. Park accidentally flushed the toilet, and the phone ended up heading towards the sewers. Due to the phone’s sheer size, it burst some pipes, and now Ohio’s pipe system is malfunctioning. As they say “Only in Ohio”
Breaking news from the white house: Kamala Harris is now the President of the United States, and the story is very funny but also concerning. It has been reported that Mr. Biden, whilst doing important work on the topic of nuclear codes. The BBN thinks that he saw an insect on his laptop, and decided to kill it. That is the natural thing to do, but after that, the 79 year old proceeded to lick the bug off of his computer. Unfortunately, the bug was on the ‘enter’ button, and former President Biden gave the country the green light to nuke North Korea. After some speculation we found out, Mr Biden resigned right after and is now living on the streets. Kamala Harris is trying very hard to prevent nuclear war, but it isn’t looking that good.
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A week ago, Bob Butler had to go on a business trip from New York to Montreal. He was flying first class, but little did he know that someone snuck drugs onto the plane. Bob was going to the first class washroom, and after taking a shower, he saw the drugs, thinking it was sleeping medications that he forgot. He naturally took them back to his compartment, but was then stopped by an attendant. The attendant was extremely angry and Bob didn’t know what to say, so he responded with violence and abuse. Everyone else on the plane saw this act and went to the attendant’s aid. The sheer force of the hundreds of people sadly threw Bob out of the plane. Scientists are shocked at how death did not come that quickly, as the BBN writers are getting updates of his altitude (currently 32,500 feet). Some suspect that it is because of the unknown substance in the bathroom, and others remain clueless.
Last weekend, a 37-year-old, Henry Johnson, was taking a family vacation in Florida. He had saved up money for the past year and he said “This will be truly a great vacation for my family as we haven't left our city since 2020.” His son loved alligators so Henry took them to the cheapest place he could find, but also the most dangerous alligator viewing gallery there is. Biden’s alligators, and don’t worry, Biden didn't open up an alligator viewing gallery. Henry was trying to feed an alligator when he sadly fell over the railing, and his almost three-hundred-pound body was devoured by one of the alligators named after Joe Biden himself. Only moments later, Joe, the alligator vomited him out, and weirdly enough, Henry came back in one piece, though he looked like he was almost seventy years old. The family thought this was a stunt so they turned him in to the police. Henry Johnson did not get a prison sentence and is now living in the White House as Joe Biden's Husband.
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